Friday, February 17, 2012

Standard Full Monty

Back in 2009, we were all titillated, outraged, or both by the Standard Hotel's porny displays of guest exhibitionism. For months, they posed, screwed, and jerked off for the tourists on the High Line. And then we stopped hearing about it. But did the show ever end?

I looked up at the massive slab of glass on a recent morning to see a fleshy figure at a window.

A man, a woman? I zoomed in. Clicking away on a cell phone in full Monty, the man wore aviator shades and a thick mustache. (I've blurred his face here to preserve his, uh, privacy.) Very 1970s--an homage to what the Meatpacking District used to be?

He made his connection and chatted away, showing off for the shoppers and tourists below.

Who was he talking to? His mother? A phone sex operator? Or does he do this when phoning MasterCard to settle the issue of his late fee?

A moment later, he grabbed hold of his "turgid member" and began tugging.

And then, running out of courage or maybe needing more drugs, he padded away, giving his ass to Chelsea.

The big question is: Will these highjinks make their way east to the new (more quiet and introspective) Standard East Village?


  1. "Hi, I'd like to start getting home delivery of the New York Times please."

    Eh, no.

    "Dude, I am so.. No, dude, really. Dude. Check this shit. Dude?"


    [In fake French accent] "Room service? I need my bed 'turned down.'"


    "911? Yes, I'd like to report that there is a blogger taking my photo while I'm standing here naked looking out my hotel window."

    I'm stumped. So to speak.

    God, anyway. I HOPE that this kind of thing — no matter how 2009 it is — happens at the Standard East Village. I'm not living in this camper on Cooper Square for no fucking good reason.

  2. Awwh, little guy...

  3. "...yes I'd like to order one Swedish penis pump."

  4. Would have been titillated if that was a hot woman.

  5. In NYC's 20-30 miles of waterfront, there's not one clothing-optional beach.

  6. It's.... AUSTIN POWERS!!! What a jerk-off. Literally.

  7. the mistake was to blur his face. i would have made it clear as day. no one can sue you. if they tried it would be great PR.

  8. I’ll let Clint (from “Magnum Force”) say it for me. “A man's got to know his limitations.”


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